Funny Resumes and Christmas Bonuses

Merry Christmas to all the readers of Nostalgia and Now.

The Job Mob website has some of the funniest resumes on record. The following lines were culled from actual resumes:

“I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”

One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.

Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.

“Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”

Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”

Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring doughnuts on Friday.”

Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”

Application: “Q: In what local areas do you prefer to work? A: Smoking.”

Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” (Resumania)

Reason for leaving: “Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.’

Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”

Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”

References: “Please do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.”

  • Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”
  • Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”
  • Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

    Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

    “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

    To read all 150 resume mistakes:

    Worst Christmas Bonus

    My worst Christmas bonus before no bonus Gannett bought the Town Talk was when I was working for the Monroe Morning World in Monroe, Louisiana in the middle 70’s. The bonus check was $10 but was actually a little over $9 after deductions had been made.

    After having grown accustomed to the $150 Christmas bonus the Alexandria Town Talk had given for many years it was a jolt to receive such a small Christmas bonus.

    Gannett Ended Christmas Bonuses

    When Gannett bought the Alexandria Town Talk from Central Newspapers they brought the $150 Christmas bonus to a screeching halt and as far as I know they still don’t give a Christmas bonus.

    Author: Andrew Godfrey

    Retired from newspaper work after 38 years. Had served in the Army in Hawaii and Vietnam in the 60's. Am now retired and living in Sulphur, Louisiana.

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